Rick Santorum

By D'Anne Witkowski

Creep of the Week

I have to admit, Rick Santorum has good reason not to like gay people. I mean, with the help of Dan Savage, one of the leaders of the Homosexual Cabal, gays changed the definition of "Santorum" from a politician who is full of shit to actual shit. More specifically, "The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."

Yuck. I wouldn't like gay people either if that was the first result that popped up when people Googled my name and gays were to blame.

The problem is, Santorum's dislike of gay people didn't start with the besmirching of his name. He had problems with gays way before that. Which means the name thing doesn't work as an excuse.

When I say that Santorum "dislikes" gays, what I mean is that Santorum, from his former position of power as a Senator and his current position of notoriety as a GOP presidential contender and Google-search oddity, is an outspoken critic of LGBT rights. He doesn't see LGBT people as equal, which means he doesn't really see LGBT people as people. This is, of course, something he already made very clear with his infamous "man on man = man on dog" sex analogy.

Santorum reiterated his stance on LGBT equality during an Aug. 5 interview with Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council, another anti-gay crusader.

During the interview, Perkins remarked that gays "will not rest (until they) force every state in the nation to change their laws to recognize same-sex marriage."

Fair enough. I mean, Perkins has certainly accused gays of worse things.

"Yeah. They want to force their worldview on us and they're using this idea of 'equality,' which is absurd," Santorum responded.

Ah, I get it. When gays and lesbians want their marriages legally recognized by the state, that's forcing the gay worldview on everyone. But when Santorum demands that gays and lesbians continue to be discriminated against because that's how he interprets the Bible, that's just doing God's work or some shit.

And the concept of "equality" is "absurd" when applied to gays and lesbians, how?

This is how, according to Santorum: "This has nothing to do with how two people want to live their lives. It has everything to do with an agenda that is ultimately going to destroy the family, weaken the family and weaken our religious liberties in this country."

Now, wait just a minute. How does denying two men or two women from marrying each other not have anything to do with how those two people want to live their lives? Oh, yeah. Santorum doesn't think gays and lesbians are people. They're foot soldiers in a great big Homo Army working feverishly to annihilate the very idea of family and God so that one day we can all live in a country where the only boxes to check on the census form next to "How is this person related to Person 1?" are "Current fuck buddy" and "Future fuck buddy" and all Sam's Clubs are converted into giant bathhouses.

Seriously, is this the kind of gaypocalyptic hellscape Santorum envisions when he thinks about two people of the same sex getting married?

"The left is very enthusiastic about this agenda because it is an opportunity to get after the things that they see standing in the way of them taking control, more control of your lives, which is the family and the church," he told Perkins. "And so what better to do that than by destroying the institution of marriage and by saying anybody who opposes them is a bigot and therefore, and that includes people in the clergy."

"More control of your lives," eh? That's what gays want? Does Santorum not see the irony in that claim? Probably not, since this is coming from a man who has said, "I have no problem with homosexuality. I have a problem with homosexual acts" and who supports sodomy laws because they protect "the basic tenets of our society and the family."

In other words, in Santorum's worldview, gays are just folks who screw each other, not human beings capable of loving, long term relationships worthy of legal recognition.

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